BY Michael Fleming

DATE: 08 FEB 2012


Many nights in hotels, about a hundred last year, have led me to think that I have something to offer when it comes to advising others treading the same path. It can feel like living in a surreal bubble travelling from London to Zurich to Inverness to Glasgow; staying at Club Quarters in smooth and sleek corporate London one night and the lovely Lovatt Hotel overlooking Loch Ness the next.

Here are my top ten tips for the inveterate hotel user…

 1. Ironing can be dangerous.  On health & safety grounds, always wear pants when ironing (See rule 4).

2. The iron will be a bad iron and may add black streaks to your white cotton finest: only iron if you must; start on your shirt-tail.

3. The ironing board will be a finger-snapping, profanity-inducing torture-machine.  Beware!

4. When it is dark outside you will be giving a wee burlesque show to cleaners in the offices opposite.  Close the curtains.

5. Only when you have an important meeting will the concierge-booked taxi not turn up.  Always book it for 15 mins before you really need it.

6. Knackered, midnight, lots of luggage, top floor? The room key will not work.  Always get them to code two for you.

7. No matter what they say, room service always takes ages.  Avoid if hungry – unless you have a secret Star Bar to keep you going.

8. Poached eggs can explode, sausages are slippery. Tuck your napkin under your chin at breakfast.

9. If you have used the adult movie service the receptionist knows you were not watching Harry Potter. Exercise restraint; stick with the BBC!

10. If you go to the leisure complex you will run into an important client (or the receptionist from no 9 above).  Avoid the pool - no-one looks good in a swimming cap.

Have a nice day now.


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about the author

Michael Fleming is our Head of KWC Legal. If you would like to know more about this subject, drop him an email and we will be in touch.

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